Thursday, October 16, 2008
This is the third time i'm blogging today. One of which you won't see the post. Ok, it's time for probity. These past few weeks have been catastrophic. The futility of my bids to 'divert & distract' is really evident at times when my thoughts are left astray. Damn, i'm getting emo. Ah fk it. You may see me as all agog but that's just me livin in denial. I knew this was antecedent when april came. My temerity thinking that everything would be awesome in time to come caused me this disconslation now. It exacerbates day by day, esp between you and me. I can't execrate freely, i'm in no position to. To disingeniously be happy in school every day is rather draining. I was strong enough not to cry then. And i'm stronger now than to shed tears cause of this. But that doesn't mean it's not killing me and neither is it gonna blanch anytime soon. Your prowess to make me feel good at a point of time and the opposite at another is nothing to vaunt about. Really. You're only one cause of this dismal situation. There's more; diffidence. But that's an internal affair that i can and will, overpower. And then, there was another 'you' that walked away not long now. He was vague and ambiguous all at once but nevertheless, made me feel good. But yet again, it ended, hmm, not long now. I knew i should have retreated and not bank on anything just yet but when it happened, saturninity didn't set in really. Cause' whatever happened w you was alr as bad as it could get, nothing worse. All i felt was a great loss but i'm truly thankful for that temporary happiness 'you' bequeathed me. I just hope nothing was jeopardised and i apologise that i have no quid pro quo for your magnanimity. And now back to you again. I would probaby eschew you awhile as much as i can cause' as you know, my achilles' heel is giving in. I long for a tad of equanimity and i hope that there's an easy egress to this. I think i wasn't discursive this time round and i really thank whoever was inclined enough to read till here.That was quite a mouthful and a load off my chest.